Maybe Coming Home Isn't So Easy After All
by Coffin Tramp
Summary: 25 year old Ellie comes back to Degrassi after her mother dies, nearly six years after she left. She runs into old friends and older memories, she begins to wonder if she was right to leave. Will it all be okay, or will it all fall apart around her?
1. Family Reunion

**Maybe Coming Home Isn't So Easy After All**

Chapter 1

Family Reunion

Ellie Nash sat in her seat of the 747 as it flew from Chicago, Illinois, to Canada. After six years of trying to forget the painful memories of home, she was headed back. Her forty-six-year-old mother had passed away. Diagnosed almost four years ago with cirrhosis, Janice had continued to drink right up till the end, as far Ellie knew. All she knew was what her Aunt Maggie; her dad's sister, told her in the letters they had been writing each other since Ellie left for the states. After her dad, Peter, had died when she was 17, aunt Maggie was the only family member who continuously dropped by the house to make sure everything was okay. Maggie would give updates on Janice, in their letters even though Ellie never asked about her. Ellie refused to call Janice 'mom' after she left. It seemed like the worse the cirrhosis got, the more Janice drank and smoked, making it worse. Ellie had grown up a lot since she her dad had died. At seventeen, she had to juggle her school work, co-op, a part-time job during the school year, and a full time job over the summer so they could keep their house after Janice lost her job. They got some money from her dad's life insurance through the military, but it was never enough. Ellie pushed her short, choppy red hair back from her face and tried to push the harrowing memories of Janice from her mind. It was all over now. She was free to live her life in Chicago. She wrote for a magazine geared towards teens, and she was making good money for being just out of college. She had her own apartment where she lived with her black cat, Razor. Ellie had left her cat with Kara, a friend who lived down the hall. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her black zip up hoodie and felt the letter from Aunt Maggie. Ellie was dropped back into reality when the flight attendants began their spiel about proper landing. She clipped her seat belt, and looked out her window as the plane landed on the runway. As the plane pulled up to the terminal, the flight attendants instructed everyone to proceed in an orderly fashion as they left the plane. Ellie grabbed her carry-on bag and followed the punk kid who had been sitting next to her blasting rock music through his headphones the whole flight off the plane. She really didn't mind, it gave her something to focus on instead of thinking about everyone back home. She walked into the terminal, looking for Aunt Maggie. She spotted her standing across the crowd. She still let her black hair lay wavy and unruly down her back. For thirty nine, she didn't look bad.

"Ellie! Ellie! Over here!" she waved at her niece.

"Hey Maggie," Ellie said hugging her aunt.

"Sweetie, it's so good to see you again. You should come visit more," Maggie chided.

"I know. I wish I could see you more often, too," Ellie pulled back from her aunt's embrace. "I need to get my bag," they walked over to baggage pick up, and quickly found Ellie's bulky green bag.

"My car's around here somewhere. It's in 'J' I think," Maggie said as they walked towards the elevator that would take them to the parking garage below them.

"So, how is everybody?" Ellie asked, dragging her bag behind her.

"Fine, fine. Jerry and Ryne are at home waiting. You should see Ryne; he's a sight. When was the last time you saw him?" Maggie asked as they entered the elevator.

"Oh, probably right before I left. He was probably around twelve or thirteen. I don't remember exactly."

"Well, he's just like you were, he's seventeen now almost eighteen, all punked out," She said, punching the blue 'j' button.

Ellie stifled a laugh. She could remember her aunt's reaction to how she dressed at that time. And the time she streaked her hair fire red. "You don't seem pleased by this," Ellie said, still trying not to laugh.

"Not particularly. He's dyed his hair blue for the shock of it!" Maggie threw up her hands as if in defeat as they walked out of the elevator. "Ah, here's my car," Maggie said as they almost walked right past a beat-up yellow Bug.

"You still have this old thing? You've had it since my freshman year at least," Ellie commented as Maggie opened the trunk.

"Yes. I don't se the point in replacing it if it still runs. Gimme your bags," Maggie said, lifting the bags into the trunk and closing it.

"So did he do it himself or did you let him? Dye his hair I mean," Ellie asked, slipping into the passenger seat and putting her seatbelt on.

"No, one of his little friends did it for him. That Jones kid. The one you baby-sit that one summer," she said as she started the car.

Ellie thought a minute. "Oh, Josh?"

"Yeah that's him. Those two will give me a heart attack yet. I swear it," Maggie said, although she very rarely swore.

"So what's goin on around town?" Ellie asked.

"Well... they've built a new school building. Your old one is still standing, but it's boarded up. Not that it keeps any of the kids out some nights. Like your cousin. He just can't keep out of trouble lately."

"Why am I not surprised?" Ellie said, remembering all the pranks he played on her when he was little.

"Have you told Sean that you're back in town?" Maggie asked as they drove down the freeway.

"No," Ellie said quietly. She looked out her window at the guard rail whipping past the car. She hadn't talked to Sean since before she left. After what happened, she'd thought she never wanted to see him again. But not a day went by in the last six years that she hadn't thought of him.

"Oh, honey. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up any bad memories," Maggie reached out to touch Ellie's arm. "Sweetie, give it time. You can't change the past, but you can change your future," she looked at her quickly.

"I know," Ellie took a ragged breath, and wiped away a tear. "So," she said, changing the subject. "Where am I staying?"

"Well, you're always welcome with us, you know that. But if you want you can stay at your old house. Your room is pretty much how you left it. Which means that we'll have to clean it out before you go, the house is gonna have to be sold since there's nobody left to take care of it," Maggie said softly.

"Okay," The house held many memories, both good and bad.

"So, how long are you planning on staying?" Maggie asked as they drove into Degrassi.

"Until next Tuesday. My plane leaves at eight in the morning, so about two weeks," Ellie looked out her window at the boarded up school building. "Why'd they close the school?" she asked, turning to look at Maggie.

"As far as I know, it was getting too small and the building codes changed, so they just built a new one. I'm surprised they haven't torn it down. I guess they're trying to find something to do with it. But I really don't know," Maggie said as she pulled into her driveway. "Here they come," she said sarcastically as Jerry nearly ran from the house. Ellie could just see Ryne's shadow standing back, just inside the doorway.

"Now, Maggie, what have I told you about bringing home stray kids..." Jerry teased.

"Hi Jerry," Ellie said as her burly uncle gave her a bear hug.

"Hey there, Fireball. What took so long?" he asked, smiling. He had started calling her fireball when she dyed her hair fire red, and it stuck.

"Look who's talking," Ellie joked, referring to Jerry's shocking red hair and beard, brighter than her own now. _note- Jerry isn't blood related to Ellie, he just has red hair too- end note _

"Yeah, yeah. I know. You go on inside, I'll get your bags," he said, and kissed her cheek. "We've missed you."

Ellie smiled and walked up the front steps. She pushed the door open and walked in. "Ryne?" she called out. "I say you already, come on out!" she looked behind the door. Nothing.

Ryne jumped out from the closet as Ellie walked by. "Rraarrg!" he yelled as he tackled her.

Ellie yelped as he wrapped his arms around her and they fell to the ground. "God, Ryne. Look at you," She tugged at his shaggy blue hair as they sat up. "All Smurf-ed out. You're such a freak," She punched him lightly on the arm.

"Yeah, remember what you looked like before you left? I don't think you have much room to talk, El," Ryne said, facing Ellie.

"What's up with this?" she asked, pointing to his lip ring. "You're turning into hoodlum, you rebel."

"I know. I'm such a bad kid. So, how've ya been?" Ryne asked, leaning back against the couch.

"Not bad. I'm living in Chicago still. So far, I'm pretty good," Ellie said, crossing her legs Indian style.

"Fair enough. Hey are ya hungry? There's got to be _something _here edible," Ryne and Ellie laughed. "You know my mom, she cooks if she even _thinks_ someone's coming over. Mostly sweets, though. I think there's some cold pizza in the fridge too."

"Sounds good to me," Ellie said as they made their way to the kitchen. Ellie saw cookies and more cookies and some fudge on the counter when se walked in. "Whoa, I think your mom is making up for lost time here," Ellie commented as she pulled a cookie from the plate.

"Yeah. Your leaving really bothered her. I remember it," Ryne said, pulling a red and white cardboard box from the fridge and setting it on the counter. "She was so happy when you said you were coming up for a while," he said, flipping the box open. "It's pepperoni."

"Cool." Ellie grabbed a piece and started eating. "I'm sorry about all that. I didn't think I'd be hurting anyone. I just had to go. I'm sorry."

Ryne didn't answer her. He just looked at her, like he wasn't sure who he was looking at. "Ellie, do you realize it took someone's death to get you to come home? Your mother's death. Is that what family is to you? Everyone's on their own? C'mon Ellie. Why didn't you come back before? Every time we asked you, you came up with some reason why not."

"Ryne, it's not that easy. You were what, ten when I left?" Ellie put her pizza slice down.

"Thirteen. I had just turned thirteen."

"Okay, thirteen. Do you know why I left? Do you even know?"

"I know you were having problems with your mom-."

"She wasn't my mom. Janice was not my mom," she interrupted.

"Ellie, what ever you consider her as, why did she have to die for you to come back?" he asked.

Ellie walked over to the dining room window and looked out.

"El, it wasn't just my mom who missed you. Or my dad. I missed you. I missed being able to follow you around. And I was convinced you'd come home any day for three years."

"I'm sorry. I really am. It's just. There was so much everyone wanted from me, and I wanted out. I had to. So I did," Ellie turned to face Ryne.

"God, Ellie, I missed you," he said, hugging her tight. "You were like my sister. You are my sister."

Ellie hugged Ryne back, tears slipping down her cheeks.


	2. A Half Expected Stench of Vodka

**Maybe Coming Home Isn't So Easy After All**

Chapter 2

A Half Expected Stench of Vodka 

Ellie flipped over onto her back and stared at the living room ceiling. The sofa Jerry had set up for her was fairly comfortable, considering that it was a sleeper sofa. She just couldn't sleep. She rolled over and looked at the clock on the VCR. It was flashing 12:00. Go figure. She kept having dreams about Sean. She couldn't stop thinking about him, ever since she got into town. She hadn't seen or spoken to him in six years. A few times she'd begun to call him, but hung up before she finished dialing. Ellie let her mind wander not something she did often anymore. She thought about the dates that they went on, the good times they had. She thought about the day they went up on the school roof, she showed him the scars and he didn't freak. She remembered the way his finger tips would slide across them as they would lay on his couch together, one of the few places she felt safe pushing her sleeves up, taking her arm socks off. He always seemed to understand. She remembered how it started, and how it ended. Ellie rolled back her sleeves, and looked at her faded scars in the moonlight. Depending on how the light hit them, she could barely see them or they reflected the light like water. She hadn't cut in almost two years, but some of the scars still stood out prominently. She pulled her sleeve back down, and closed her eyes. Her mind's eye seemed to be permanently focused on Sean lately. When Ellie finally fell asleep, the sun was already beginning to streak the sky in pinks and yellows.

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Sean Cameron sat on the end of his bed, the moonlight seeping through the curtains, casting a single square of light on the dirty carpet. He stared at it as he thought. It had been a long day at the garage he owned and worked at. Ryne, one of the kids he'd hired needed most of the next week off because his cousin was in from Chicago and his aunt had died. This kid would talk your ear off about his cousin that he hadn't seen since he was little. She would write to him and his mother regularly, but refused to come back to visit until now. Sean had let him have the parts of the week off he needed, partially because the kid was a good worker and partially because what he'd heard about his cousin reminded him of someone very special to him. Someone who had been so close to him for a while and broke his heart. _She_ had shattered his heart into a million little pieces that, six years later, still hadn't fully healed. It had been different when Emma had hurt him. Emma would hurt him slowly, in expected ways. But _her_, _she_ had surprised him when _she_ hurt him. Then _she_ left suddenly. For a while he had held onto the hope that _she_'d soon return. But year after year slipped past without _her_. Sean tried to forget. He tried a few times to even drink _her_ away. But after the hangover would pass, _she_'d still be there. And when Ryne would start about his cousin she sounded so much like _her_ that Sean actually began to hope it was. A small piece of him hoped hat she'd come back again. But a bigger part of him still figured that _she_'d never come back, like so many other people in his life. He turned around and reached for the single picture that stood on his nightstand. It had been taken the summer after his junior year, the year he graduated. He stared at the smiling girl in the photo, running his hand over the glass.

"No way," he said out loud, trying to dislodge the notion that Ellie Nash was Ryne Martin's cousin.

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Maggie was cooking lunch by the time Ellie woke up the next morning.

"Hey there, sleepy head." Maggie said turning to see Ellie as she walked into the kitchen.

"Why didn't anyone wake me up?" Ellie pulled a carton of orange juice from the fridge and poured herself a glass. "I thought you said you wanted to go over to the house today?"

"Yeah, but I thought we'd let you sleep in. We can go in a bit if you want," Maggie took the pot of noodles off the stove and walked over to the sink.

"Okay with me," Ellie sat down at the table. "What are you making?"

"Macaroni and cheese," Maggie dumped the noodles into a colander and ran cold water over it.

"Awesome," Ellie loved mac and cheese, ever since she was little. "Where's Ryne and Jerry?"

"Ryne had to cover for someone at the garage for a bit, and Jerry is out back doing god knows what. I think he's finishing another ramp for Ryne, but I'm not entirely sure," Maggie said, dumping the noodles into the pot again. "He's really getting into that whole skateboarding thing. And Jerry, he's just happy to do anything with him anymore."

"Is he any good?"

"Well, he doesn't land on his face as much anymore thank god. Some of the stuff he does out there makes me a wreck. All the jumping and spinning," Maggie stirred the cheese and milk into the noodles. "Ryne's home," she said when the front door slammed shut.

"Hey ma. El, your finally awake," Ryne said, setting his skateboard on the counter and grabbing a cookie.

"Get that thing _OFF_ my counter!" Maggie laughed and tossed a towel at his head. "We've been over this how many times?"

"Sorry," Ryne mumbled through the cookie in his mouth and grabbed for his board, ducking the towel.

"He comes home for food. That's it. We barely see him during the summer," Maggie scooped some mac and cheese into two bowls and set them on the table. "Help yourself," she said and went outside.

"Your mom said you're into the whole skating thing. Ya any good?" Ellie asked and started eating her lunch.

"Pretty good I guess. It's more of something to do though, I'm not into the whole competing part of it," Ryne sat down and started pulling his kneepads off. "And considering how small this town is, it saves shitloads on gas."

"'Shitloads'?" Ellie cocked an eyebrow. At both his language and the percilular smell coming from him.

"Sorry. Mom's been gettin on m bout it too," he said and started eating. "Dijya hear where I'm workin now?"

"Maggie said you were workin at a garage, but she didn't saw who's."

"Sean Cameron's. He's got a nice set up on the edge of town. Didn't you two go to school together?"

"Yeah. But he, he probably wouldn't remember me," Ellie said nervously and carried her empty bowl over to the sink. "That was years ago."

"Ya never know." Ryne looked at his cousin as she hurried across the kitchen. Something in the way she said it and the way Sean would listen intently about her made him doubt that he forgot.

"Well, I'll be sure to stop by before I leave. Me and your mom were gonna head over to the house in a bit, wanna come?" Ellie offered.

"Nah, I'm headin back out as soon as I'm done," he said, and held up his half empty bowl.

"Okay then. See ya later," Ellie said and walked out into the backyard.

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Ellie found Maggie sitting on an old lawn chair watching some birds fight over a pile of seeds.

"Hey sweetie. Ya ready to head out now?" Maggie asked.

"Yeah. I kinda wanna get it over with," Ellie admitted.

"I understand. Just lemme get this chair put away then we can leave," Maggie said as she got up.

"Okay, I'll meet you out front."

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Ellie fidgeted nervously in the passenger seat of Maggie's old Bug.

"Ellie, is something bothering you? You've seemed a little stressed since you got up," Maggie glanced at Ellie.

"I'm fine, I guess it's just, I haven't seen anyone in six years. And I'm worried that I'll run into someone-"

"Sean?"

"Yeah. It was just so awkward and rushed when I left, and I'm still not sure why I left in the first place. But I'm probably worrying over nothing," Ellie sighed.

"Probably. Here we are," she said as they pulled into the drive. "Still wanna go inside?"

"Yeah," Ellie got out of the car and headed for the door. She stopped when she got to the porch. She ran her hand along the railing and over the back of the old porch swing her and Sean had spent countless nights just sitting on when things got rougher than usual. She took a deep breath and put her hand on the doorknob, turning it slowly. The door swung open, and Ellie half expected the stench of vodka, vomit, and piss to knock her back as it had so many years before. Instead, the smell of a dusty old house greeted her nose. "You cleaned everything?" Ellie was surprised, but at the same time not. How else could Maggie have known how Janice was all the time if she hadn't been over to help out?

"Yup. Before Janice ended up in the hospital, she couldn't do everything. She got tired easy, and lonely."

"But I thought you said you two didn't get along very good?" Ellie was slightly confused as they walked into the house.

"We didn't. She was cranky a lot. But I felt bad just leaving her here alone all day. And after she was admitted the last time, I came over and scrubbed the crap out of everything. The couch still stinks though," Maggie said, laughing a bit as she closed the door behind them. "Well, you can feel free to wander about a bit, I've still got a bunch to do as far cleaning to do but if you need anything, come get me. Okay?"

"Sure," Ellie said, as she looked at the stairs. The dark carpet and dark wood seemed to hold memories long forgotten. She climbed the stairs slowly, feeling the cool wood slide past under her fingers. The hallway upstairs was carpeted a lighter color, and a few stubborn stains remained. Ellie looked at her old bedroom door. The caution tape and 'keep out' poster had begun to fade and sag. The door creaked a little as she nudged it open. Her room looked as it had the day she left. Her bed was still unmade, the purple-y black comforter wadded up at the foot of her bed. She sat down and ran her hand over the worn fabric, remembering all the times her and Sean had spent playing cards on it and cuddling up in it in front of the television. She looked at the dark fabric. Ellie smiled in spite of herself. She turned to face her mirror, still plastered with pictures of Marco, Ash, Sean, Ryne, and herself. They were getting old and fading, but you could still see them pretty good. She pulled one of the pictures of her and Sean down and held it. Her hair was long, pulled back into braids. They had their arms wrapped around each other. She wiped away a tear, and tried not to think about what she could have had if she hadn't left. If she hadn't bailed when Janice had gotten unbearable with her drinking. Ellie stuck the picture back on the mirror and started to go through random junk on her dresser. She opened a small black book with a silver faerie on it. It was her old address book. She flipped it open, and looked at the entries. Ashley Kerwin, Marco Del Rossi, Sean Cameron, Spinner Mason. Ellie and Spinner had become friends after he broke up with Paige. Ellie grabbed the book and went downstairs.

"Maggie?" she called out as she entered the living room.

"Yeah?" Maggie was sitting on the floor, trying to get a dark stain out of the carpet.

"Do the phones still work?" Ellie said, lightly slapping the book against her leg.

"Yeah. There's a phone upstairs in the hall," Maggie said, pushing her hair from her face. "The number got changed, though. After I had the phones turned back on."

"Okay. Thanks," she said and went back to her room.

Ellie picked up the purple and green phone and slowly dialed Sean's phone number. Ellie let it ring twice before she lost her composure and hung up. She stared at it for a while, trying to calm down. Her stomach was in knots. After six years so much could have changed. Who knew, maybe Sean met someone and is living a wonderful life. Ellie let out the big breath she'd been holding in. she picked up the phone and dialed his number again.

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Sean woke up to hear the phone ringing. He sat up and rubbed his head as he looked at the clock. _Damn. I slept through most of the day already,_ he thought to himself. _Oh well, its Sunday, not much else to do._ He stood up and walked over to the phone. The little screen flashed '1 new call'. He pushed a button, and a number he didn't recognize came up. He reached for a piece of paper and jotted it down. He figured if whoever it was wanted to talk to him, they'd call back later. He closed his eyes for a moment, and tried to shake Ellie from his head. He opened his eyes and glared at the ringing phone until he realized it was the same number as before. He grabbed the phone and pushed the 'talk' button.

"Hello?" he said uncertainly. "Who is this?"

"Hey, Sean. It... it's Ellie," she said nervously.

Sean just stood there with the phone in his hand like time had stopped.


End file.
